Shunned in High School 12/21/07

I hate waking up from a dream with that totally exhasperated feeling, like everything is wrong and the world is out to get you. And you can't tell if it's the present or the past or the future and then you just lay there and cry because of everything that you remember from the dream.

I sat here reading through some of my old dream posts because I know I've dreamt this before but I guess it must have been after the last entry I wrote here. Or maybe it was before I started blogging my dreams. I don't know.

I'm back in South Dakota and I'm in high school again and mom and dad are there but they're kind of just in the background and not really an active part of the dream. I don't really even want to go into that much detail but here's the short version of it.

Everyone I run across hates me. I've done something to piss them off or I'm just "stupid and a bitch" and they don't like me. Monica is pissed at me and won't even see me, Micki and her mom Tammy are like practically telling me I need to go commit suicide and Micki's about to leave. She's going somewhere I don't know where and she's like "After I leave, you should just drive off a bridge. It would save everybody else a lot of trouble. You're even hurting Mikayla." And I was like crying in frustration and I said to myself gawd Mikayla don't get yourself worked up because of a stupid snivelling little bitch.

And I like had made plans to go help out at the carnival and stuff, and even the people there were like go away, we don't need help from the likes of you. People just kind of stared and laughed and shit at me and I was running home. I got cornered by some asshole telling me that he was gonna rape me but I'm not worth his time.

I finally got home and mom has some little boy with her and he's helping her make pizzas and I was in the garage just trying to calm down and figure out what was going on, then Tasha shows up with her boyfriend Adam, and Mikayla. And Mikayla is even pissed at me and Adam's all gloating because he always hated me, even in r/l, and would do anything he could to make me upset or cry. So I start begging and pleading with Mikayla to tell me what's wrong and tell me what I did so I can make up for it and she's like.. "Don't get pissed over a stupid snivelling little bitch? How could you call Micki that?"

And Tasha like laughs maniacally and Adam's all stupid with glee and Mikayla just gets up and walks off and it's all because of Micki. Everybody in the whole gawd damn town is mad at me because of MICKI and there's nothing I can do to fix it. And the little boy my mom has helping her make pizzas is her new son and she doesn't need me anymore. He's all cute and adorable and sweet and helping her like a good little boy.

I woke up while I was running around sobbing and trying to find Dad to see if he could explain it to me. Laid there in bed and just cried for a bit because I remember feeling like that. Like everyone hated me and I couldn't do anything right. And people getting pissed at me because of Micki. Her turning people against me. Tasha turning people against me. All the time. And other people like Casey and I forget who else. Because I was smart or because I was fat or because I wasn't just falling in line with what they wanted to do and fawning over their supreme awesomeness.

The cat finally stopped me from crying. Zoot came over and started licking the tears away. I can't even go back to sleep now and it's been an hour and a half since I woke up. I don't know why I keep dreaming about Micki lately. It doesn't make any sense. I wish I had an answer so I knew what she wanted or what was going on and I could put a stop to this.