Thursday, October 20, 2005

First Rites? 10/20/05

The dream started off as something different than how it ended... I'm female in this one.. was going to some kind of concert with two other girls and they went off to get ready together and left me alone. So I'm talking to other people kind of grumbling that they did that to me, went to go get ready together and left me by myself to have to do it last.. and they come back. So I hurry off and try and get dressed to match them and they come back out and we start to leave and they're like being perfect together, matching and almost like twins, and I'm tagging along after them grumbling because yet again they made me feel like an outcast. They're my sisters maybe? Hard to tell.

So then it shifts slightly and I'm still a girl and it's still the same time frame except that it's like... first rites time? Slaughter time.. the killing of the lambs and I'm supposed to be helping my dad. Who looks like my dad but he's like totally psychotic. And my mom is there, her normal self, inside on the couch doing a crossword puzzle. So I'm running in and out of the house going back and forth between dad prepping the axe and talking to mom and I go and get this tiny.. tiny little lamb for him right except that the lamb's covered in this super ultra soft fluff and it's kind of cartoonish but it seems normal for the dream. It's the youngest, barely a few days old maybe?

Dad makes me hold it down and he slowly shaves off a piece of the fluff with the tip of the axe and looks at it and goes good.. then he slowly knicks off a piece of fluff from the lamb's throat cutting it where he's supposed to cut its head off later and has me take it and comfort it because it's doing this high pitched crying thing.. and then somehow the next thing I know the lamb's dead and its head is rolling on the ground and I get sick about it and run back off to the house.

When I get inside mom's still there doing her crossword puzzles and there's the bundle of towels on the table and this horrific crying wailing sound.. and I cover my ears and go over looking and it's a cat's head and the cat is crying louder and louder pitifully and I start freaking and mom asks if I can get it to quiet down. So.. I like pick up the head and try to shh it between all the sobs and I fumble and drop it and it starts shrieking crying louder and I scramble to pick it up cause it sounds like it hurts so bad and I put it back in the towels then I see the body sitting up over near the couch and the tail is flicking back and forth and it looks like it's waiting to be put back together or something...

Mom starts going off about she has no idea why dad did that and it's annoying her and she wishes it would shut up already and all I can think is "oh gawd dad what did you do.. at least you're gonna heal it and put it together again right?" So.. I try to comfort the cat's head more and I'm trying to figure out what happened because I hadn't seen dad do it and I saw him cut off the lamb's head but not the cat and it doesn't make sense at all......... then I woke up.


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I feel.. so.. sick.. over this dream. It makes my skin crawl. I was afraid to try and go back to sleep after it because I might go back to the dream. And it looked like Leo, the cat. Orange and cream....

There was obviously some kind of magic in the dream.. I kinda felt that too about being with the other two girls like we were witches or.. something? Some kind of magic users. And I don't know where they were when everything was going on. With their boyfriends maybe or something? They were older than me..

And everything is starting to fade now, thank gawd. It's not so strong in my mind. My mouth is killing me like I was grinding my teeth. The cats were sitting there staring at me expectantly like they were waiting for me to wake up, when I finally did.

I just.. hope that the cat got put back together again. Writing started 8:10am ended 8:25am